Inside Beauty

Acne at 32, oh joy.. On the way to my daughter's in school day, we stopped at the drive-thru Lean Bean coffee stop. While idling in line, I popped down my visor to peak at my face. Ugh! Let's connect the dots... As I was trying to clean house on my face, my 7 year old was very intrigued in what I was doing. I said "well these zits aren't to pretty so I'm trying to take care of them." She responds "Mom I think your beautiful." Oh, how my heart melted. I was interested at what else she would say so I  asked her, "What makes you think I am beautiful?" She says "Love. The way you love me." So precious, I have to give Dad the credit for this one. He often reminds her beauty is from the inside.

Growing up without a Father in the home didn't help my self-esteem, and I started seeking extra attention from the opposite sex at a very young age. I was 6 when my Dad left, & remember clear as day falling head over heels in love with Skylar Fisk that year. By 15, I was hanging with the wrong crowd on a regular basis. I was raped at age 16 by someone in that great group of friends. No surprise at 17 I was pregnant with my most awesome son. Moving forward to the present. I still cry when I watch a movie with a Dad & daughter moment in it, but over time I have let go. I have since forgiven my Dad, for we all fall short, and we are continually working on our relationship. I am however thankfully for my constant Heavenly Father. Life is messy, tell someone in your life that they are beautiful.

If you need encouragement from your Father up above read the bible passage below. Insert your name in the blank. It works best when you read it slowly :-)

_________-
I made her... She is different. She's unique. With love I formed her in her Mother's womb. I fashioned her with great joy. I remember with great pleasure, the day I created  her. (Psalm 139:13-16) I love her smile. I love her ways. I love to hear her laugh, and the silly things she says & does. She brings me great pleasure. This is how I made her. (Psalm 139:17) 

I made her pretty & not beautiful, because I knew her heart, & I knew she would be vain... I wanted her to search out her heart, & to learn that it would be me in her that would make her beautiful... And it would be me in her that would draw friends to her. (1 Peter 3:3-5) I made her in such a way, that she would need me. I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be... Only because I want her to lean & depend on me... I know her heart. I know if I had not made her like this she would go her chosen way & forget me... her Creator. (Psalm 62:5-8) I have given her many good & happy things because I love her. (Psalm 84:11, Romans 8:23) Because I love her, I have seen her broken heart, and the tears she cried alone. I have cried with her & had a broken heart too. (Psalm 56:8) Many times she has stumbled & fallen alone only because she would not hold my hand. So many lessons she's learned the hard way, because she would not listen to my voice...(Isaiah 53:6) So many times I have set back & sadly watched her return sad & broken. ( Isaiah 63:2) Now she is mine again.  I made her, & then I bought her because I love her. (Romans 5:8) I have to reshape & remold her... To renew her to what I had planned for her. It has not been easy for her or me. (Jeremiah 29:11) I want her to be to conformed to my image... This high goal I have set for her, because I love her. ( 2 Cor. 2:14) 


Image from www.tracyscamp.com

Road Rage Mommy

On the way to drop of my son for his field trip today, I realized I was almost out of gas. Without a moment to spare I turned in to fill up. As we were pulling back into traffic a car came flying around the corner. "Whoa! You don't need to take that corner so fast!" I say with  noticeable irritation in my voice. My sweet daughter, with her best grown up voice replies, "Mommy remember my sentence today? If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Oh... yeah... how could I forget, sorry. Not that this surprised me, because on a regular basis she reminds me the other drivers can't hear me from inside our car.

Backing up my day a bit, an hour earlier we were going over the manner of the week. The best part is this morning I was proudly patting myself on the back, &  thought "Wow I am being so consistent teaching these to my children." I must make God laugh sometimes. 

Even though I am a teacher, God is still teaching me. I took some time this afternoon, & asked myself - Do I use kind words when referring to the people in my life? How do I communicate with those around ? What about my tone, and my attitude? Looks like my mommy has some work to do. This is my struggle.

Image from www.thethethirdcross.files.wordpress.com

 www.streetsblog.net

What's on The Inside?

It's crunch time. The public high school orientation is tomorrow night. My heart is searching. We are on the fence. Home schooling my son who is already very unmotivated to do his school work sounds like an impossible task. I have been praying & investigating what is the next step for our 14 year old son.  This is huge, thankfully God is bigger.

 I have recently started following busy home school mom blog , and one of the quotes that struck a cord with me is,"Character before curriculum..". As a mom my focus through the years has been get you work done, learn the material. This thinking stems from me becoming a mom at seventeen, & having everyone tell me I can't do it. I also let curriculum be number one, not wanting to be the mom who "couldn't do it". My focus would have been better spent honing in on his character, and what's going on the inside. I would just chalk it up to, " it is just normal rebellion", "oh, that will come when he matures," or "he will figure it out some day." Having only come back to the church 6 years ago, I learned the important concept of heart issues later then I would have liked.

Ultimately, I am letting my husband make the decision. We know both paths will have their share of challenges, and that there is not an easy button. Just trying to find the path God wants for us. This is our struggle.

Any input is appreciated.  Please pray for guidance for our family.


Image from www.funwirks.com

The Cookie & The Scone

 Today we were celebrating my sister's birthday, so my children & I  stopped to pick-up a mocha to surprise her. It was just starting to rain as we entered the busy coffee shop. While waiting in line I was imagining myself curled up in the corner, pounding out the next great Christian mystery novel on my lap-top. Back in reality my two children were discussing what kind of scone  to get. As we approached the front of the line I remembered that we were having cookies at my Sister's.  I then informed my 7 yr old that her & her brother were going to share. As you can imagine she was not thrilled at this idea. While they were making my coffee we sat down, & I split the scone in half. At this point my daughter was  in full pout mode. As she was chomping away on her scone she openly, displayed her unhappiness for all to see. I did my best to encourage her to just enjoy what she had. In that moment, I found myself relating to God, one parent to another.

 A year & a half ago I had a very painful miscarriage. We have been trying to expand our family for over three years. It has been a rough road, but the Lord has given me peace. Just as I know what is best for Emily, God knows what is best for me. Occasionally I am tempted to start dwelling on what I don't have, but thankfully God shows me pictures like this to re-direct my thoughts. Today I refuse to scornfully eat my scone, as not to waste the precious time with my  children. God has cookies for me later.

Images from www.visualpictures.com & www.cookiedough.com

Addiction

M & M's, chips, cinnamon rolls, & gummy bears are calling my name! I struggle with addiction. In the past it was cigarettes, but lately it has been food. As I walk past the fridge, I question if there might be something sweet hidden in the back. I mean I have only checked 2x's, so maybe this go around I will find something to satisfy my craving. I find it easy to eat less when I'm out in public, but on my own I fall short. I'm fully aware of the health issues that can arise if I leave my addictions unchecked. This does not make it any easier for me.

Little by little I am starting to get the big picture. Christian life is so much more then doing the do's, & not doing the don'ts. Changing my environment without dealing with the source of the problem is only a temporary fix. I need to dig deeper to the heart issues. I need to spend time reflecting with the "why" I eat when I am not hungry. I need to get on my knees the minute the desire to drive to the store for a pack of smokes pops up. I know flat out that these actions are not only bad for my physical health, but my spiritual health also. I find myself praying to God more, because I have learned I can not do it on my own. Please pray for me as I struggle through my addictions.


Image from   www.sacbee.com

Look Out!

While walking through a local parking lot today, 2 cars were backing out 15 feet in front of me. Both with a woman on a mission at the wheel. I could see the car's bumpers approaching each other in what looked like an inevitable fender-bender. The only thing I could do was honk my imaginary horn as the helpless bystander. Surprisingly, inches before impact one of the drivers noticed the other, slammed on her brakes, & hit the horn.

This caused me to think back on what I have been dealing with today. I am living life "on" purpose. This is a great way to live, but it doesn't mean I will never crash into someone else. Now just as a driver carries car insurance, as a Christian I have access to grace. Unfortunately that doesn't mean there will be no damage done, and that the repair will happen over night.

Instead of getting in my car, and racing off I tried something new. I was slow to re-act, and sought out wise counsel. I do believe I averted a collusion that was in my path. I want to give God the glory for showing me His way of doing life, because this is not the usual for me.

The wisdom I received when dealing with conflict is, "You can't regret anything you don't say." All to often when a problem arises I am quick to speak without much thought into the repercussions. This not only affects my witness, but it can hinder others from opening up to me. God has been hollering, "Be quite & listen my daughter." This is my struggle.

Reflection

Tonight as I reflect on my day I can't help but smile. It was the launch of our first  volley ball meet-up. May sound minor to some, but this is a big accomplishment for me. For years I have thought about playing, but I never took steps to make it happen. All to often I let the thought of an idea not panning out stop me from attempting it.

The old Julia was  typically a follower, and was afraid of experiencing life outside the bubble. The mere thought of praying out loud, leading small group, or spending time with unfamiliar faces plagued me with anxious thoughts & sweaty hands. Thankfully God is transforming me. He has encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone, and pursue new endeavors. Not only is it fulfilling to do this, but the excitement of seeing these plans come to life is awesome. Now I'm praising God for his work in me!


Image from Wikipedia.com