Foreigners

My heart is heavy tonight...
How to change the mind of those you love. As I relate to the parents who are giving up their children it causes tears to fall down my cheeks.

Do I know all the facts? No.
Do I have all the answers? No.

How will it  impact my American life?

I feel the emotions from others rising around me. Most would explain it as hate. I see it is a fear.

Fear of change & of the unknown.

The head lines  read "The Immigrants are invading". More like refugees.

The arguing continues. Aren't they seeking HeLp, as they travel from different places, just as my ancestors once did. Seems to be a history long forgotten.

Why is it different today?

What if it was me?

Could I put my children on the bus?

Not knowing their fate, but with one last embrace. Left only with H.O.P.E. The sadness those parents are feeling Right.Now.  The confusion each child riding on the bus is experiencing.

 Standing up for God's word, even when it's not the popular thing to do.

I ask what would Jesus do if he was standing in the streets of America as the buses of "illegal immigrants" drove by?

I hear...

....."This is the great and foremost commandment. 39"The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.'…Matthew 22:38-39

Yet I stand & call myself a CHRIST FOLLOWER.

Why am I here?
 For real, as on planet earth! Alive & breathing. To prosper!? Have that house paid off in 30 years. Yep, check. College degrees. Good paying jobs. Retirement fund in order.
 How quickly I lose focus. 

I don't have the easy button for the monumental problem my country is facing.

Who is by my side? I pray my sisters & brothers will see past the fear of change & remember JESUS was not white or an american. I pray I will be part of the solution & not a piece of the problem. This is my struggle.

Entity

Define Entity-
Something that exists as a distinct, independent, or self contained unit.


Lately it seems I have to be constantly reminding myself that I make up my own entities... The Government, The State, The Law, Big Banks, The Church. Even giving some of them a face-

Yes these are titles but often I forget that they are made up of a group of people. Most who started out wanting to make a difference for man kind.

They are humans. They eat breakfast. Most have families, and I guarantee they wipe their butts like I do.

We are fighting a battle. A Spiritual war is ongoing. Oh how the enemy relishes when we fight each other.

Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh & blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Last week I spent way to much time defending my Christmas tree. A few days later it was the Americanized church.

2 Timothy 2:23-24 Don't have anything to do with foolish & stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.

I am sinner, Jesus says all have sinned. Most people wake up in the morning, and the first thought isn't how they can make someone's life a mess. Pastors fail. Family members fall short. Politicians give into temptation. One thing remains the same, shame looks the same on everyone.

We are lost..

broken..

continuing to fail..

.

The more hate I see spewed on the internet, the more my heart aches for life. Republicans, Democrats, Liberals, Conservatives, Atheists, Christians = H.U.M.A.N.S.

I stand strong in what I think is best. I point fingers at who is doing it wrong. Am I more concerned with making MY point?  When I feel my anger & pride rising I wish I would remember I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. Is being right on my issue what is truly "important"?

Mark 12:31 The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these. 

Holding my tongue when I disagree is tough. When I see a catchy Face Book post that makes a great point, but slams someone with different views I need to refrain from sharing it for the world to see.

Proverbs 18:19- A brother offended is more unyielding then a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.

If I want to be a true disciple for Jesus, then I need to check my self righteous intentions at the door. This is my struggle...

Embracing My Daughter

I write this blog selfishly, as only to make a mark of this moment in my time. I enjoy looking back over my writing, remembering the special times in my life.

After a long day of baking, cooking, & cleaning I just wanted some quiet down time. After some emails, texts, & phone calls I made my way to a relaxing bath all alone. By 11:30 p.m. I figured the house was asleep, but moments later my 7yr old daughter entered with tears on her checks. "My stomach hurts bad.. I think I might throw up!" Calmly I told her she could take a bath with me.

My first response was to be irritated .."Why can't I get 20 minutes alone" but my Mommy instincts said let go. As she climbed in the tub I felt like "ok" whatever. As we started to enjoy the running hot water I felt myself start to relax.

Moments later she asked me a interesting question. " What are you afraid of?" Hesitating before I answered, not sure what to say as I didn't want my fears to become her fears I replied crocodiles. She crinkled her nose & laughed at my response, which was an honest one at that. Alligators have given me nightmares for years. We continued talking of our life struggles, and she shared how she didn't want to die young, before she had a chance to live life....

Damn, she is only 7.

I could beat myself for being honest about death & disease. It probably stems from being involved in many people around us who are suffering, and a bit of my own fears spilling over onto her.

Anyways... back to my point. We finished talking, got out, and spoke while I tucked her back into bed. She replied, "We should talk like this more often." Wow, she is wise beyond her years.

I found myself crying afterwards at the tenderness of this moment we had shared together. Something only seen by God. He alone will witness these special happenings made in life.

My closing thought is I love my daughter, my family, & I am so blessed to experience this. I only hope I appreciate it as much as I should as the daily grind distracts me. This is my struggle.

~Julia



image from www.footage.shuttersstock.com

Questions

As the days flow by I find myself emerged in Summer. The beach, the pool, & sun block fill our time. I am thankful for these moments with my children. I laugh as my detail orientated daughter who needs the "plan" at 9 am every morning.

As our usually home school schedule is set aside for a few months, we are enjoying our daily adventures. I find myself looking around thanking God for His beautiful creation. Each intricate detail was made for me to enjoy. 

I couldn't imagine a world of black & white, or life without our animal friends. As I pet my kitty I am reminded He made her for me to enjoy. God loves me so much He spent His time creating a wonderland to explore

As grand as this all sounds I think back to a recent conversation with a good friend. She asked, "How could God let little babies die of AIDS." Explaining that "sin" is the problem is not easy.

Tears sting my eyes as I want her to understand...

I know there was a time in my life when I had the same questions stirring in my mind. Conveying to a non-believer an answer that comes with getting to know God's word is tough. I feel my mortal words do not do God justice in explaining His heavenly plan. The bible clearly states that sins today will affect the generations to come, just as our ancestor's sin affects us in the present.

We are not robots God gave us "ALL" free will. That includes the mom who adopts 13 kids, the man who helps out his senior neighbors, the guy who shoots up the movie theater, the teenager who brings a gun to school... they get to C.H.O.O.S.E.

God wants us to turn to Him, to know His ways, to have eternal life. He is our "Father". He loves us! His love is so great He sacrificed His innocent son, to be crucified unjustly by us sinners....

I pray today for those searching for answers. I know only God has the power to open their eyes to see the light. This is my struggle.



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The Greatest Vacation

I write tonight with a heavy heart. Thinking of those who are watching someone they deeply love suffer in pain...

It seems the older I get the more trips I  plan. I think it's my way of giving myself something to look forward to. Like running a race with my prize in sight at the finish line. Maybe by planning out these adventures I make the road ahead more desirable...

My most recent endeavor is Hawaii. We will be making our journey in Spring 2014. As I scheme & plot out our course I am excited at the prospect of the delight we will experience. Hawaii is a magnificent place, some would even claim parts of it come close to the Garden of Eden.

As a Christian, I have grown up being taught that Heaven will be paradise.

Luke 23:
-And Jesus replied, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise."

The verse listed above, quotes the words of Jesus right before He died. He spoke them to a man hanging next to him on another cross.

How important this is to all of us who are saved. God has planned out our "ultimate vacation". It is F-R-E-E for us, as God paid our way with His only son. No amount of money or good deeds will get you there.

It will be nothing like my mortal mind can imagine, a most awesome experience!

I need to fix my eyes on "that" finish line. I pray those around me do the same. This world is filled with so much pain & suffering. But in the end we will not only S.E.E paradise, but we will  LIVE in it completely!

If you are suffering  I pray you find hope in this wonderful salvation, in this excellent promise.

I know I get distracted as I lose my sight in this crazy place called W.O.R.L.D. I end up finding myself fixing my eyes on futile problems or possessions that don't truly matter. This is my struggle.



Image from www.hawaii-retina.com

Pain

I see these cute little quotes plastered all over spacebook "The Past is the past, today is the present...blah,blah,blah... some one hurts you, you are better off without them.. blah, blah, blah"

Don't get me wrong I'm a professional "like" clicker, and do my part sharing the latest post...but if I truly pick apart these inspirational sayings, that might make me feel good in the moment, what I am really saying is "Great I will take my "present" to a desert island & live all alone. Yeah! I mean I am the victim here! I am so perfect! Everyone else is the problem."    >>insert LOL here<<

Really? Anyone living on planet earth has been hurt by someone, AND anyone living on this planet has hurt SOMEONE. Lets say it together.. just in case "I am Sorry."

When I am hurt will I wallow in my sorrow, stay a victim? What will truly help my pain?

Realizing I can learn from it, that I can "DO" something about it, & finding hope I-N making a  positive difference in those around me.

 (Yes, that was kind of like one of those quotes from the the web, my apologies. Here comes another one.)

Hurt people, hurt people, say it again.... H-U-R-T people HURT people

I want to be a loving mate, better parent, more attentive friend...

I am not trying to be better then everyone else, just the best possible me. As a veteran from the war of pain, my new mantra is- Treat others how I want to be treated, and if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

 I will not be able to accomplish this on my own. I am seeking the Lord, asking Him to show me my blind spots. Help me forgive those who wound me, and help me to set healthy boundaries in my co-dependent world. This requires opening up His word. Not only that but I have to be willing to accept His grace when I don't meet these expectations I am placing on myself. This is my struggle.

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Eating Chocolate on the Tread Mill

The days draw on as I continue to stop by my blog. I stare at the screen wondering if I will ever update it? I am still writing on a regular basis, but my energy has been directed towards my book. I have a solid outline, 21 chapters under my belt, with 7 more to go. I will then spend months reviewing & revising until my head hurts. The best description for my book is a "B" rated Christian fiction Narnia meets Princess bride, set in Medieval Time, filled with love, heart break, and redemption.

Eating chocolate on the tread mill? Yes, that about sums up how I feel lately. I find my days becoming counter productive. How to get ahead? I plan it out well before hand, but as the day draws on I am only completing half my tasks. Part of me thinks with the end of the school year approaching I have Summer fever. Well, I don't like it one bit. Maybe I need a vacation? Is that the answer?

I think I need more God and less me. I will not settle for half done days.

Knowing the way to exercise is not going to help me lose weight if I eat on the tread mill!

I am thankful God puts up with me as I wander in the desert... again.

I compare it to understanding who God is, what he has done for me, but lacking in the ever important relationship. Now I know we all go through seasons. Over the years me & God have become closer, but lately I find myself running to the phone instead of getting on my knees. Or Turning on Netflix when really I should open my bible. As I eat my chocolate, the relief it gives me is only temporary. Really, it is doing more damage then good. This is my struggle.





Image from the movie "The Switch"