Where am I weak

I was feeling uneasy this morning. Fear of failure plagued me. My first year of being a full-time home school Mom was coming to a close. Part of me wanted to jump online and spend hours looking over the California 1st grade standards for reassurance. I thought "don't panic, you can have a last minute cram session?!?" Just as I was starting to hyperventilate the Spirit stepped in and covered me with a sense of comfort. Thoughts of the past year started to spring up in my mind....

God comforted

It was September 2012. Just a few months prior our home was devastated by fire. No longer having a place to live, we moved into an RV on the side of my Sister's house. The school year was only a few weeks away when I voiced my concerns."Honey, in the midst of the Summer heat, attempting to buy a house, & replacing practically everything we own, I'm thinking home school might not be our best option."  He disagreed. As hard as it was to move forward, I was sure God had placed Dave as the leader for a reason. 

I trusted them

Our first few weeks of school took place in that RV. Having not enrolled on time, we had yet to receive our workbooks. Improvising, I hopped on the web to print out work sheets. We studied Hawaii. Cut out flowers. Painted pictures. Skip counted. Overall, we had a great time learning, and those beginning days will always have a special place in my heart. 

God provided

We our currently in our own home. Pictures are hung on the wall. The closets are over flowing with clothes. We adopted a precious kitten we named Roxy, and Emily impresses us daily with her ever improving reading skills.

God fills in the gaps

God hollered "Give yourself grace Julia. Your family has been down a rough road this year. The kids are doing better then you think. Don't be your worst critic. Satan would love for you to buy into those lies."

God offers grace



As I was speaking with a friend the other day, she quoted a line from a book she once read, "No matter what type of schooling you choose, your children will end up missing out on something."

I can only do so much, I am not Jesus. This is my struggle.

Joel 2:25

And I will restore to you the years the swarming locusts have eaten... 

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Choplin

Love.Me.Some.Piano. Enjoying my husband playing it now. Soothing. Day of distractions, but not in a bad way. Just not what I had planned. I worked at the Pregnancy Care Clinic for the first time yesterday. I felt surprisingly calm. I thought "Well God, if you want me here you will help me figure out the details." Exhale

That being said, I can slightly still feel the weight on my shoulders. I am after all answering the phone with a potentially client on the other line. You think "hey I am just the receptionist", but truly I might be the first encounter someone is having with the clinic. As cool of a thought as that is, I am going to have to rely on the Spirit to guide me. I thankfully am equipped with the gift of sensitivity. I can usually gauge pretty well how someone is feeling.

I also started writing a book yesterday. I am excited to see where it is going to go. I know it is going to be an insane amount of time & energy, but I am still going to move forward. My husband's initial response was you are going to need a catchy author name, for marketing of course. Ultimately he believes in me, and that is what matters most. Pray for me as I enter this new endeavor. I don't want to neglect other areas of my life as I take on more. I know there are still areas I could give up more time, i.e. TV & FB. This is my struggle.



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Empower

Over the past few weeks I have found myself being more critical then usual. I was reading an article on drama when I felt convicted. As part of the body of Christ I need to focus more on strengths. I dislike the word critical, and hope when others think of me that will never be the word that comes to mind. I know first hand being criticized in my endeavors made me more discouraged then empowered.

The Bible has quite a bit to say on our conversation with those around us. Our words start with our thoughts. If I spend time thinking things such as "that was <negative thought>" or "I didn't <negative adjective> that." Then I am setting myself up to be critical. Instead, I need to make a conscious choice to think on the positives I see. Grace, mercy, grace.

 I teach my children if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Yet looking back I can recall conversations that I did just the opposite. I excuse myself with "well they need to know the truth " or better yet "what I think."

Moving forward I'm starting to read a book called Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tim Rath. I am praying that on a regular basis, I will start using my words to empower those around me. This is my struggle.