Thursday, September 10, 2015


I have found myself being a neutral as I walk through life. Yes I have passion about certain subjects, but I can passionately debate both sides. A time or two I argued the democrat side just as well as the republican. My brother in law said "you can't argue both!"....But some how I did. Seeing both sides can make things much clearer & less of an "I'm right, you're wrong" moment.

As a "Christian", (I emphasize that because I'm not sure I like the lumping affect this causes in one's brain) I grew up being taught the Bible. For the last ten years I have spent time in bible studies expanding my knowledge of God's word.

America has legalized gay marriage... I know what God says about marriage. What my pastor says, what I teach my children. But some how I'm unsure of my feelings of Kim Davis' example of taking a stand at work. Aren't the people she refused to serve still married, still together, what did her actions change?

Righteous living or building the kingdom? Yes I can have both, but is one more important then the other?

 I truly believe in my heart: "Teachers of the Bible need to be teaching what it says about homosexuality." I have a great pastor & bible study leader who do an amazing job of explaining God's word.

Last night I had one of those "Ah-ah" moments when the gears clicked into place. 

This is my struggle..

As a neighbor, friend, co-worker should I bash others over the head with my bible? Isn't it meant for M-E to learn about God on M-Y walk. Didn't Jesus lead by example? Where are the parables about taking a stand.

There are plenty of stories of followers of God living in a secular land with false gods & sexual impurity that lived a non whistle blowing life, which ultimately lead people to God by their example.

I'm trying to let others find Christ by showing them His love. I need to be giving out more bibles to those around me. His word can speak to them & show God's path for their life.I must train up my children in the ways of the Lord. Thank God for grace & mercy as I walk on. Loving God, Loving people.

Friday, May 29, 2015

The "C" Word

You know the one...
That nasty word sets my emotions into over drive. Scrolling through Facebook I am bombarded with the most recent diagnosis, type, or treatment. Quickly, I start checking for lumps, bumps, & analyze my latest symptom.

As a long time smoker I know all to well that I'm putting myself at risk. I kicked the real ones over a year ago, and switched to the vaped form of nicotine. (Praying to quit for real)

But, cancer has no limitations. Now a days it does not discriminate by age, race, or gender. This growing "problem" has no boundaries.

I got the call last week that I have squamous cell cancer on my nose. Not too shocked.

I've been watching my mom battle it on her nose for the last 15 years. So far, she has won.

Loving to read, I have spent hours pouring through Christian fiction novels at my local library. The stories that stuck with me involved the characters using their "problem" as a light to bring others to Jesus. S.H.O.W.I.N.G. their faith, rather then just saying "I trust in the Lord." As the people around them SAW their faith in action, they were also drawn to the Lord.

Since I am almost powerless to the why, what, & who. I am intentionally trying to focus on the positive. How can God use me now? I know He CaN. That is not my question, but WhAt does it look like in my story.

When I am weak He makes me strong...

As I walk through this trial in my life I am praying God uses me & my circumstances to show others His power & love. This my struggle..

Monday, July 7, 2014


My heart is heavy tonight...
How to change the mind of those you love. As I relate to the parents who are giving up their children it causes tears to fall down my cheeks.

Do I know all the facts? No.
Do I have all the answers? No.

How will it  impact my American life?

I feel the emotions from others rising around me. Most would explain it as hate. I see it is a fear.

Fear of change & of the unknown.

The head lines  read "The Immigrants are invading". More like refugees.

The arguing continues. Aren't they seeking HeLp, as they travel from different places, just as my ancestors once did. Seems to be a history long forgotten.

Why is it different today?

What if it was me?

Could I put my children on the bus?

Not knowing their fate, but with one last embrace. Left only with H.O.P.E. The sadness those parents are feeling Right.Now.  The confusion each child riding on the bus is experiencing.

 Standing up for God's word, even when it's not the popular thing to do.

I ask what would Jesus do if he was standing in the streets of America as the buses of "illegal immigrants" drove by?

I hear...

....."This is the great and foremost commandment. 39"The second is like it, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.'…Matthew 22:38-39

Yet I stand & call myself a CHRIST FOLLOWER.

Why am I here?
 For real, as on planet earth! Alive & breathing. To prosper!? Have that house paid off in 30 years. Yep, check. College degrees. Good paying jobs. Retirement fund in order.
 How quickly I lose focus. 

I don't have the easy button for the monumental problem my country is facing.

Who is by my side? I pray my sisters & brothers will see past the fear of change & remember JESUS was not white or an american. I pray I will be part of the solution & not a piece of the problem. This is my struggle.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013


Define Entity-
Something that exists as a distinct, independent, or self contained unit.

Lately it seems I have to be constantly reminding myself that I make up my own entities... The Government, The State, The Law, Big Banks, The Church. Even giving some of them a face-

Yes these are titles but often I forget that they are made up of a group of people. Most who started out wanting to make a difference for man kind.

They are humans. They eat breakfast. Most have families, and I guarantee they wipe their butts like I do.

We are fighting a battle. A Spiritual war is ongoing. Oh how the enemy relishes when we fight each other.

Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh & blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Last week I spent way to much time defending my Christmas tree. A few days later it was the Americanized church.

2 Timothy 2:23-24 Don't have anything to do with foolish & stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.

I am sinner, Jesus says all have sinned. Most people wake up in the morning, and the first thought isn't how they can make someone's life a mess. Pastors fail. Family members fall short. Politicians give into temptation. One thing remains the same, shame looks the same on everyone.

We are lost..


continuing to fail..

The more hate I see spewed on the internet, the more my heart aches for life. Republicans, Democrats, Liberals, Conservatives, Atheists, Christians = H.U.M.A.N.S.

I stand strong in what I think is best. I point fingers at who is doing it wrong. Am I more concerned with making MY point?  When I feel my anger & pride rising I wish I would remember I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. Is being right on my issue what is truly "important"?

Mark 12:31 The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these. 

Holding my tongue when I disagree is tough. When I see a catchy Face Book post that makes a great point, but slams someone with different views I need to refrain from sharing it for the world to see.

Proverbs 18:19- A brother offended is more unyielding then a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.

If I want to be a true disciple for Jesus, then I need to check my self righteous intentions at the door. This is my struggle...

Friday, August 16, 2013

Embracing My Daughter

I write this blog selfishly, as only to make a mark of this moment in my time. I enjoy looking back over my writing, remembering the special times in my life.

After a long day of baking, cooking, & cleaning I just wanted some quiet down time. After some emails, texts, & phone calls I made my way to a relaxing bath all alone. By 11:30 p.m. I figured the house was asleep, but moments later my 7yr old daughter entered with tears on her checks. "My stomach hurts bad.. I think I might throw up!" Calmly I told her she could take a bath with me.

My first response was to be irritated .."Why can't I get 20 minutes alone" but my Mommy instincts said let go. As she climbed in the tub I felt like "ok" whatever. As we started to enjoy the running hot water I felt myself start to relax.

Moments later she asked me a interesting question. " What are you afraid of?" Hesitating before I answered, not sure what to say as I didn't want my fears to become her fears I replied crocodiles. She crinkled her nose & laughed at my response, which was an honest one at that. Alligators have given me nightmares for years. We continued talking of our life struggles, and she shared how she didn't want to die young, before she had a chance to live life....

Damn, she is only 7.

I could beat myself for being honest about death & disease. It probably stems from being involved in many people around us who are suffering, and a bit of my own fears spilling over onto her.

Anyways... back to my point. We finished talking, got out, and spoke while I tucked her back into bed. She replied, "We should talk like this more often." Wow, she is wise beyond her years.

I found myself crying afterwards at the tenderness of this moment we had shared together. Something only seen by God. He alone will witness these special happenings made in life.

My closing thought is I love my daughter, my family, & I am so blessed to experience this. I only hope I appreciate it as much as I should as the daily grind distracts me. This is my struggle.


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Thursday, July 11, 2013


As the days flow by I find myself emerged in Summer. The beach, the pool, & sun block fill our time. I am thankful for these moments with my children. I laugh as my detail orientated daughter who needs the "plan" at 9 am every morning.

As our usually home school schedule is set aside for a few months, we are enjoying our daily adventures. I find myself looking around thanking God for His beautiful creation. Each intricate detail was made for me to enjoy. 

I couldn't imagine a world of black & white, or life without our animal friends. As I pet my kitty I am reminded He made her for me to enjoy. God loves me so much He spent His time creating a wonderland to explore

As grand as this all sounds I think back to a recent conversation with a good friend. She asked, "How could God let little babies die of AIDS." Explaining that "sin" is the problem is not easy.

Tears sting my eyes as I want her to understand...

I know there was a time in my life when I had the same questions stirring in my mind. Conveying to a non-believer an answer that comes with getting to know God's word is tough. I feel my mortal words do not do God justice in explaining His heavenly plan. The bible clearly states that sins today will affect the generations to come, just as our ancestor's sin affects us in the present.

We are not robots God gave us "ALL" free will. That includes the mom who adopts 13 kids, the man who helps out his senior neighbors, the guy who shoots up the movie theater, the teenager who brings a gun to school... they get to C.H.O.O.S.E.

God wants us to turn to Him, to know His ways, to have eternal life. He is our "Father". He loves us! His love is so great He sacrificed His innocent son, to be crucified unjustly by us sinners....

I pray today for those searching for answers. I know only God has the power to open their eyes to see the light. This is my struggle.

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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The Greatest Vacation

I write tonight with a heavy heart. Thinking of those who are watching someone they deeply love suffer in pain...

It seems the older I get the more trips I  plan. I think it's my way of giving myself something to look forward to. Like running a race with my prize in sight at the finish line. Maybe by planning out these adventures I make the road ahead more desirable...

My most recent endeavor is Hawaii. We will be making our journey in Spring 2014. As I scheme & plot out our course I am excited at the prospect of the delight we will experience. Hawaii is a magnificent place, some would even claim parts of it come close to the Garden of Eden.

As a Christian, I have grown up being taught that Heaven will be paradise.

Luke 23:
-And Jesus replied, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise."

The verse listed above, quotes the words of Jesus right before He died. He spoke them to a man hanging next to him on another cross.

How important this is to all of us who are saved. God has planned out our "ultimate vacation". It is F-R-E-E for us, as God paid our way with His only son. No amount of money or good deeds will get you there.

It will be nothing like my mortal mind can imagine, a most awesome experience!

I need to fix my eyes on "that" finish line. I pray those around me do the same. This world is filled with so much pain & suffering. But in the end we will not only S.E.E paradise, but we will  LIVE in it completely!

If you are suffering  I pray you find hope in this wonderful salvation, in this excellent promise.

I know I get distracted as I lose my sight in this crazy place called W.O.R.L.D. I end up finding myself fixing my eyes on futile problems or possessions that don't truly matter. This is my struggle.

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