Questions

As the days flow by I find myself emerged in Summer. The beach, the pool, & sun block fill our time. I am thankful for these moments with my children. I laugh as my detail orientated daughter who needs the "plan" at 9 am every morning.

As our usually home school schedule is set aside for a few months, we are enjoying our daily adventures. I find myself looking around thanking God for His beautiful creation. Each intricate detail was made for me to enjoy. 

I couldn't imagine a world of black & white, or life without our animal friends. As I pet my kitty I am reminded He made her for me to enjoy. God loves me so much He spent His time creating a wonderland to explore

As grand as this all sounds I think back to a recent conversation with a good friend. She asked, "How could God let little babies die of AIDS." Explaining that "sin" is the problem is not easy.

Tears sting my eyes as I want her to understand...

I know there was a time in my life when I had the same questions stirring in my mind. Conveying to a non-believer an answer that comes with getting to know God's word is tough. I feel my mortal words do not do God justice in explaining His heavenly plan. The bible clearly states that sins today will affect the generations to come, just as our ancestor's sin affects us in the present.

We are not robots God gave us "ALL" free will. That includes the mom who adopts 13 kids, the man who helps out his senior neighbors, the guy who shoots up the movie theater, the teenager who brings a gun to school... they get to C.H.O.O.S.E.

God wants us to turn to Him, to know His ways, to have eternal life. He is our "Father". He loves us! His love is so great He sacrificed His innocent son, to be crucified unjustly by us sinners....

I pray today for those searching for answers. I know only God has the power to open their eyes to see the light. This is my struggle.



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The Greatest Vacation

I write tonight with a heavy heart. Thinking of those who are watching someone they deeply love suffer in pain...

It seems the older I get the more trips I  plan. I think it's my way of giving myself something to look forward to. Like running a race with my prize in sight at the finish line. Maybe by planning out these adventures I make the road ahead more desirable...

My most recent endeavor is Hawaii. We will be making our journey in Spring 2014. As I scheme & plot out our course I am excited at the prospect of the delight we will experience. Hawaii is a magnificent place, some would even claim parts of it come close to the Garden of Eden.

As a Christian, I have grown up being taught that Heaven will be paradise.

Luke 23:
-And Jesus replied, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise."

The verse listed above, quotes the words of Jesus right before He died. He spoke them to a man hanging next to him on another cross.

How important this is to all of us who are saved. God has planned out our "ultimate vacation". It is F-R-E-E for us, as God paid our way with His only son. No amount of money or good deeds will get you there.

It will be nothing like my mortal mind can imagine, a most awesome experience!

I need to fix my eyes on "that" finish line. I pray those around me do the same. This world is filled with so much pain & suffering. But in the end we will not only S.E.E paradise, but we will  LIVE in it completely!

If you are suffering  I pray you find hope in this wonderful salvation, in this excellent promise.

I know I get distracted as I lose my sight in this crazy place called W.O.R.L.D. I end up finding myself fixing my eyes on futile problems or possessions that don't truly matter. This is my struggle.



Image from www.hawaii-retina.com

Pain

I see these cute little quotes plastered all over spacebook "The Past is the past, today is the present...blah,blah,blah... some one hurts you, you are better off without them.. blah, blah, blah"

Don't get me wrong I'm a professional "like" clicker, and do my part sharing the latest post...but if I truly pick apart these inspirational sayings, that might make me feel good in the moment, what I am really saying is "Great I will take my "present" to a desert island & live all alone. Yeah! I mean I am the victim here! I am so perfect! Everyone else is the problem."    >>insert LOL here<<

Really? Anyone living on planet earth has been hurt by someone, AND anyone living on this planet has hurt SOMEONE. Lets say it together.. just in case "I am Sorry."

When I am hurt will I wallow in my sorrow, stay a victim? What will truly help my pain?

Realizing I can learn from it, that I can "DO" something about it, & finding hope I-N making a  positive difference in those around me.

 (Yes, that was kind of like one of those quotes from the the web, my apologies. Here comes another one.)

Hurt people, hurt people, say it again.... H-U-R-T people HURT people

I want to be a loving mate, better parent, more attentive friend...

I am not trying to be better then everyone else, just the best possible me. As a veteran from the war of pain, my new mantra is- Treat others how I want to be treated, and if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

 I will not be able to accomplish this on my own. I am seeking the Lord, asking Him to show me my blind spots. Help me forgive those who wound me, and help me to set healthy boundaries in my co-dependent world. This requires opening up His word. Not only that but I have to be willing to accept His grace when I don't meet these expectations I am placing on myself. This is my struggle.

Images from   www.favim.com  &   www.workthedream.wordpress,com

Eating Chocolate on the Tread Mill

The days draw on as I continue to stop by my blog. I stare at the screen wondering if I will ever update it? I am still writing on a regular basis, but my energy has been directed towards my book. I have a solid outline, 21 chapters under my belt, with 7 more to go. I will then spend months reviewing & revising until my head hurts. The best description for my book is a "B" rated Christian fiction Narnia meets Princess bride, set in Medieval Time, filled with love, heart break, and redemption.

Eating chocolate on the tread mill? Yes, that about sums up how I feel lately. I find my days becoming counter productive. How to get ahead? I plan it out well before hand, but as the day draws on I am only completing half my tasks. Part of me thinks with the end of the school year approaching I have Summer fever. Well, I don't like it one bit. Maybe I need a vacation? Is that the answer?

I think I need more God and less me. I will not settle for half done days.

Knowing the way to exercise is not going to help me lose weight if I eat on the tread mill!

I am thankful God puts up with me as I wander in the desert... again.

I compare it to understanding who God is, what he has done for me, but lacking in the ever important relationship. Now I know we all go through seasons. Over the years me & God have become closer, but lately I find myself running to the phone instead of getting on my knees. Or Turning on Netflix when really I should open my bible. As I eat my chocolate, the relief it gives me is only temporary. Really, it is doing more damage then good. This is my struggle.





Image from the movie "The Switch"

Where am I weak

I was feeling uneasy this morning. Fear of failure plagued me. My first year of being a full-time home school Mom was coming to a close. Part of me wanted to jump online and spend hours looking over the California 1st grade standards for reassurance. I thought "don't panic, you can have a last minute cram session?!?" Just as I was starting to hyperventilate the Spirit stepped in and covered me with a sense of comfort. Thoughts of the past year started to spring up in my mind....

God comforted

It was September 2012. Just a few months prior our home was devastated by fire. No longer having a place to live, we moved into an RV on the side of my Sister's house. The school year was only a few weeks away when I voiced my concerns."Honey, in the midst of the Summer heat, attempting to buy a house, & replacing practically everything we own, I'm thinking home school might not be our best option."  He disagreed. As hard as it was to move forward, I was sure God had placed Dave as the leader for a reason. 

I trusted them

Our first few weeks of school took place in that RV. Having not enrolled on time, we had yet to receive our workbooks. Improvising, I hopped on the web to print out work sheets. We studied Hawaii. Cut out flowers. Painted pictures. Skip counted. Overall, we had a great time learning, and those beginning days will always have a special place in my heart. 

God provided

We our currently in our own home. Pictures are hung on the wall. The closets are over flowing with clothes. We adopted a precious kitten we named Roxy, and Emily impresses us daily with her ever improving reading skills.

God fills in the gaps

God hollered "Give yourself grace Julia. Your family has been down a rough road this year. The kids are doing better then you think. Don't be your worst critic. Satan would love for you to buy into those lies."

God offers grace



As I was speaking with a friend the other day, she quoted a line from a book she once read, "No matter what type of schooling you choose, your children will end up missing out on something."

I can only do so much, I am not Jesus. This is my struggle.

Joel 2:25

And I will restore to you the years the swarming locusts have eaten... 

Image from www.nbcsandiego.com & www.blondeepisodes.com

Choplin

Love.Me.Some.Piano. Enjoying my husband playing it now. Soothing. Day of distractions, but not in a bad way. Just not what I had planned. I worked at the Pregnancy Care Clinic for the first time yesterday. I felt surprisingly calm. I thought "Well God, if you want me here you will help me figure out the details." Exhale

That being said, I can slightly still feel the weight on my shoulders. I am after all answering the phone with a potentially client on the other line. You think "hey I am just the receptionist", but truly I might be the first encounter someone is having with the clinic. As cool of a thought as that is, I am going to have to rely on the Spirit to guide me. I thankfully am equipped with the gift of sensitivity. I can usually gauge pretty well how someone is feeling.

I also started writing a book yesterday. I am excited to see where it is going to go. I know it is going to be an insane amount of time & energy, but I am still going to move forward. My husband's initial response was you are going to need a catchy author name, for marketing of course. Ultimately he believes in me, and that is what matters most. Pray for me as I enter this new endeavor. I don't want to neglect other areas of my life as I take on more. I know there are still areas I could give up more time, i.e. TV & FB. This is my struggle.



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Empower

Over the past few weeks I have found myself being more critical then usual. I was reading an article on drama when I felt convicted. As part of the body of Christ I need to focus more on strengths. I dislike the word critical, and hope when others think of me that will never be the word that comes to mind. I know first hand being criticized in my endeavors made me more discouraged then empowered.

The Bible has quite a bit to say on our conversation with those around us. Our words start with our thoughts. If I spend time thinking things such as "that was <negative thought>" or "I didn't <negative adjective> that." Then I am setting myself up to be critical. Instead, I need to make a conscious choice to think on the positives I see. Grace, mercy, grace.

 I teach my children if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Yet looking back I can recall conversations that I did just the opposite. I excuse myself with "well they need to know the truth " or better yet "what I think."

Moving forward I'm starting to read a book called Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tim Rath. I am praying that on a regular basis, I will start using my words to empower those around me. This is my struggle.